ARTICLES:

Myth: Battering/abuse does not exist in lesbian, bisexual and trans communities; only men abuse women.

Fact: Domestic violence does exist among lesbian, bisexual and trans people and in sexual minority communities; it is not a problem limited to heterosexual relationships. The extent and severity of abuse in these communities is becoming increasingly evident. A 10-year, 10-city study published in 1998 by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects found that 25-33% of same-sex relationships involve abuse.  Despite fear and community denial, more and more bisexual, trans, lesbian and gay  folks are speaking about battering and abuse in their relationships.

Myth: Domestic violence only affects certain groups of queer people.

Fact: Violence and abuse are found in all parts of our community. No group, regardless of race, class, ethnicity, gender identity, age, ability, education, politics, religion or lifestyle, is free from domestic violence. Being abusive is not determined by size, strength, or economic status. Lesbian, bisexual and trans people who batter or abuse can be friendly, physically unintimidating, sociable and charming. People who are battered or abused can be strong, capable and dynamic.

Myth: In same-sex relationships, the problem is really fighting or "mutual battering," not domestic violence.

Fact: Abuse is about a pattern of controlling behaviors.  Although either or both partners may use violence, batterers do so to increase their control over their partners.  Survivors have used violence for many reasons.  Some include: self-defense, desperation, anger, and tro try to stop the abuse.  When survivors use violence, the results are complicated.  We may be arrested, disbelieved by friends about the abuse, or guilted into staying longer in the reatlionship to "make up for" our actions.  using violence to survive is a sign that something is wrong -- making a plan to get support is important.

Myth: If the abuse becomes too bad, people can leave an abusive or violent partner easily.

Fact: Battering relationships are rarely only violent or abusive. They also utilize the isolation and targeting that occurs in the larger, straight community to cut off survivors' access to support, safe shelter, or community. Also, love, caring and remorse are often part of the pattern of abuse. This can leave a survivor feeling confused and ambivalent about what she is experiencing. Emotional or economic dependency, shame, or isolation can make leaving seem impossible.

Myth: Factors such as substance abuse, stress, childhood violence or provocation really cause battering and abuse.

Fact: A batterer chooses to be violent and is responsible for her behavior. Individuals and communities deny this responsibility, and we come up with excuses. Alcohol and drug use may become part of the dynamics of abuse, but they do not cause domestic violence. Stopping substance abuse does not guarantee that the battering will stop. Most sexual minority people experience some kind of stress and many have experienced childhood violence, but there is no direct cause and effect relationship between these factors and domestic violence. There is no justification for domestic violence.