ARTICLES:

1. Do you feel pushed to have sex when you don't want to?
2. Do you ever have sex to "keep the peace?"
3. Does your partner want sex after a fight when you don't want it?
4. Have you ever said "yes" to sex because saying "no" felt more risky?
5. Has your partner ever started sex with you without permission while you were sleeping?
6. Has your partner refused to practice safer sex, or refused to discuss safer sex?
7. Have you ever felt that your partner ever used sex to control or punish you?
8. Does your partner use racist stereotypes to put you down or embarrass you about sex?
9. Does she/he insist that you are "too sexy" or "too cold?"
10. Has your partner forced you to have sex against your will?
11. Does your partner withhold sex or affection, or does she demand it on his/her terms only?
12. Does your partner use sexual name-calling against you?
13. Does your partner ever put you down or make fun of you about sex?
14. Does your partner expect you to report about masturbating, or tell you that you shouldn't because it's cheating?
15. Have you ever had sex because you were tired of resisting?
16. Does your partner demand that you reveal your fantasies?
17. Does your partner make you feel ashamed about your sexual desires or fantasies?
18. In the context of S/M, are you ever confused about when scenes begin and end?
19. Has your partner violated your limits, boundaries, or safe words?
20. In the context of S/M, does she expect you to participate without information or negotiation? Have you been pressured to go beyond your limits?
21. Has your partner accused you of not being a real lesbian, a real woman, a real man, queer enough?  Have you ever been put down because of your identity?
22. Has your partner ever given you a hard time about being bisexual?
23. Does you partner accuse you of having affairs?
24. Does your partner threaten to have or have affairs when you both have agreed to be monogamous?
25. Does your partner talk with others (ex-partner, friends, etc) about your "sexual inadequacies?"
26. Does your partner make it hard to see your friends by sexualizing your relationships with them? 

These questions describe behaviors that can limit our choices and establish a pattern of non-consensual control over our lives.  If you would like to talk to someone about negotiating safer sex with your partner, you can get support.